I'm certain that my troubles with the law began when my mother was still alive. Parents today often don't realize how much of an influence they have on their children until it's too late. You may wonder how a parent can possibly live and not expect to influence their child, but that's what I believe my mother did. With that being said, I don't believe my mother intentionally wanted me to grow up running from the law, but that's exactly what happened.

 

I think back on all the years that were wasted committing petty crimes when I could have been playing with other children, studying school work or anything other than stealing, and I feel as if I were 100% robbed of my childhood. Only recently have I been able to forgive and forget some of the things that were done to me as a child! Trust me when I say that it's only by the grace of God that I'm even writing these words.

 

My mothers drug problem started to get the better of her when I turned 10 years old. The big woman that I remember growing up with was really starting to tone things down a bit in the weight department. Her drug abuse even started to wear off on me. Literally. When mom wanted to take a nap, we both took a nap. If I wasn't tired and she knew I wasn't tired, she'd give me a shot of something that made me really, really sleepy. This was usually a battle of the wits between the two of us. Once the cycle had started with my mother knowing she was was going to give me something to make me go to sleep, it became second nature to me to try and talk her out of it. More often than not, I'd pretend that I was just so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. This, of course, was if she didn't sneak up on me with the nap time. Once we got into the motel room, I had to see if she looked tired or not. At least tired enough to take a nap. If I read her wrong and I thought she was about to go somewhere or watch TV, I'd simply ask to go swimming or something else. If she was about to take a nap when the question was asked, that's when the shot took place. After awhile, you'd think that I'd learn to just accept the routine of napping and leave the outdoor activities to my mothers discretion.

 

I suppose that in my mothers eyes, she was protecting me from some dredded evil that awaited outside the motel doors. I also suppose that her intentions may have been pure. It was her way of dealing with an active child. To me, the active child, it was just another attempt to rob me of any kind of normalcy. Now that I'm older, and I try to understand why certain things took place, I believe it was the Hand of God who was actually protecting me. Not that I could really justify what my mother did... giving drugs to a child is one of the worst things you could do, but can you imagine what would have happened if I'd gone to the swimming pool without my mother being there? What if I got tired and couldn't swim anymore? What if someone had kidnapped me? There are a million reasons I can think of as to how God was protecting me. God, as He does with every single one of us, has a plan for our lives. Never, for one moment, think that your life is insignificant to God. You were created for a purpose.

 

One night in particular, I remember trying to get my mother to wake up. Nothing I tried was working. I tried making all the noise I could possibly make. I even tried throwing cups and little soaps at her to get her awake. This took a lot of courage for me. Waking my mother up from a nap meant that someone was going to pay. Not just because it was me either. If someone accidentally knocked on our door by mistake while she was napping... let's just say they didn't make the same mistake twice! What can I say, the woman loved to sleep!

 

On this particular night though, she wouldn't respond to any of my attempts to wake her up. I finally started pacing outside the front door hoping to see someone who might be able to help, or better yet, someone who might see me and offer to help. Our motel room was next to a trailer park. It was just a small motel right along side a two lane highway, but I'll never forget the trailer park next door. I can remember seeing a police car parked in front of one of the trailers. Can you see now how God had His Hand on my life? I see it so very clear right now. My mother was always at odds with the police, so for me to even come close to telling a police officer where my mother was meant something had to be terribly wrong! This meant that my mother could possibly get arrested. It meant that I could be taken away from her. It meant that I could end up living with my Granny. It meant that something might not be wrong with my mother and I could get one heck of a beating later... if there was a later. can remember being sooo scared knocking on the door. I just knew that if I asked for help, had the person go back to my room and found my mother standing or sitting in the room, I'd pay dearly for it as soon as they were gone. All I really remember is that something inside of me kept pushing me forward. At the time, I didn't know what the Holy Spirit was, but I can see clearly now the it was the Holy Spirit telling me that something wasn't right with my mother. She was just laying there on the bed, exposed to the world, not making a single move. In order to appreciate this, you have to understand that my mother was the type of lady who would hug and kiss me in front of other people... but when they left, it was a whole other story! So needless to say, my decision to go forth and knock on this man's door was one that took an incredible amount of courage from a 10 year old little boy! Especially me... a mama's boy straight from the cliches of old.

 

The police officer came to the door and it was as if he knew that something was wrong before he even answered the door. It was almost as if the door just sort of flew open as soon as I knocked. I explained to him in as few words as possible that I couldn't wake my mother up and I wanted to see if he would help me. After several attempts, he was unsuccessful at trying to get her up as well. He immediately had an ambulance come to the motel room where my mother, as I learned later, had fallen into a drug induced coma. That same officer came to the hospital to make sure I was OK. I'll never, for as long as I live, forget the words this man told me. It could have been that he was trying to make me feel better about the situation, but to this day, I honestly believe he was telling me the truth. He said that the doctors told him that if I hadn't come to his house that night to get him, my mother would have died that night in her sleep. As fate would have it, I ended up in yet another temporary foster home. I have no idea how long I was even there. All I know was that I saved my mothers life.

 

Have you ever thought something so bad that you felt as if you had committed the biggest sin in the world? I distinctly remember feeling this way that same exact night. For the first time in my life, I wished that my mother had died that night. I knew when I started thinking that way that it was wrong, but I was looking at it from MY point of view... and MY point of view told me that if she were dead, I'd have a much better life. For the most part, it might have been true, but for the next few years, my life would be a living hell that I would eventually learn to accept and live. It doesn't turn out the way you think it will!